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Finding Self (Part 8) At this point I'm just winging it!!

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By Jodie Spartz

   

    The crazy thing is I've probably always been winging it...

                     I don't think there was a time when things made sense in my life ever. I be wanting to make one of those crime boards with the yarn, pictures & push pins and stand there and figure for hours where it all went wrong. Trust me guys I wanted part 8 to be better.  I don't know if you guys were rooting for me but I sure was. I'm tired now ya'll, let's just go right in. I've been in NYC for a little over a month and I have no idea what's going on. I am very perplexed about my living situation. My cleaning app won't let me charge over $16 an hour which is B.S. because in Los Angeles I was able to charge $20 -$25 an hour. I probably could've charged $30. N-E-Way I was able to find a part-time seasonal job. One morning two weeks ago I woke up down on my luck and I was watching the Bronx news. I saw that they were having a job fair. I wasn't doing anything that day so I got up and went. It was at the Bronx workforce community center. I went in unemployed and came out partly employed lol.  

                    I don't even really know what else to say at this point. I know I have to leave this living situation ASAP. It's not good for my mental health at all. No decision I make usually is that's why life is hopelessly nomadic. Dreams crushed and can't seem to figure out a new one, so I just wonder. I don't even know if I'm doing what I want to do. I feel that I'm on some kind of path that will eventually lead somewhere because, I mean it has too right. The ancestor's are guiding my path, no matter how crooked I feel it is. There is also this nagging feeling that I'm going to be just fine. Meaning happy, healthy & wealthy. I say nagging feeling because after all that has happened I am not impressed with this thing called life. I'm sure there are others who feel this way as well. 

               Moving right along, NYC really is the city that never sleeps most days I get off work at 4am and the train is full even on a Sunday it's wild! The trains run all night and they are pretty efficient too. I've only been on the job three days but I don't have any complaints. It keeps me busy, I like the people and for NYC the hours are great. I mean I don't get enough of them but who really does when working for the slave drivers. Whoever "they" are "they" make sure it's never enough. Let me stop talking because I am in my feelings these days and again for all that's happened and is happening my inner feelings are valid but I don't have to make other people feel all mellow dramatic with me. 

                I love ya'll for following my story it's really keeping me alive inside. I hope things in your life are going well and if they aren't... Breathe, meditate and set pure intentions. If you're reading this that means you are either on your healing journey or thinking about starting one. Don't wait to heal yourself it's not easy but it is worth it even though right now I'm over it. Somewhere inside I feel a change coming all I have to do is hang on!


                                                                                         -Photo taken by, Jodie Spartz
 
I have since written and published 4 books, check them out here: https://www.lulu.com/search?sortBy=RELEVANCE&page=1&q=Jodie+Spartz&pageSize=10&adult_audience_rating=00

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