Everyone has a story

Have u ever felt like u messed up ur life 2 the point that u would like 2 just disappear or just die? I feel like that currently every day, but oddly enough my story is one of resilience, endurance, BI Polar, PTSD, & the courage to overcome! It's taking a lot out of me to even write this. It's definitely going to be a mentally draining process & this is the most important story I will probably ever write. None of this is made up, not based on a true story, is a true story. With this particular story there is only one side MINE! I don't say that in anger I say that in truth.

I had one dream in life and that was to have a family. A family that was mine & it was majorly important that it stayed together. I grew up being molested like most little girls from my understanding, of course I thought this guy was my dad. I found out he was only my brothers dad & that I had a different dad when I was 11. It's crazy because that's when I remember having my first nervous break down. I was relieved that the molester wasn't my dad, but the question was who was? That question was to be answered when I was 14. I was raised by my not all together mentally drained Grandmother because my mom was so damaged that she couldn't focus. My brothers lived around the corner with the molester (good thing he only like girls). They wasn't allowed at my house because my grandmother didn't like them.

I loved my little brothers they were like my little friends. I wanted to be with them everyday like I thought families were supposed to be. During holidays when we would visit other family members, when it was time to go home my family was always separated. My mom going her way, me going to my grandmothers, and my brothers going back to their dads. I promised myself that when I had children that wouldn't happen to me & that I would be better.

I would say long story short, I did wayyyyyyyy worse! But I have to say long story long, how bout that. I was about to curse, like this shit, tore me the fuck up! To be less ratchet, I changed that sentence to; This situation tore me up mentally, physically, & spiritually for many of years. My life has been on handicap since it all happened.

-photo by, Jodie Spartz

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