Hey thanks for coming inside my head! I wrote and published 6 books you can check them out here: https://www.lulu.com/search?sortBy=RELEVANCE&page=1&q=Jodie+Spartz&pageSize=10&adult_audience_rating=00
I guess I can call it part 2 of my 2026 self reflection. Before coming to an understanding of what the HELL could possibly be going on; I was at the point of literally pulling my beautiful locks straight out of my head. I don't understand how I went from flying kinda high too crawling in the pits of despair. Let's start with the fact that I spent the first 180 days of this part of the journey in a rather nice apartment. Provided by a domestic violence shelter. I had my own room, a kitchen to cook in and my own keys. The maintenance team was amazing they made sure we had everything we needed; I mean they were great. This place helped me get a lot of paperwork together but housing was never attained. They said that they had to discharge me do to the 180 day stay. I had no more time left there and extensions weren't available. I was unaware that hell was to await me next. Here I am thinking they are going to help me with housing and even if I had to go to another place while I waited I assumed it would be just as helpful, clean and I would be able to continue to prosper and grow.
Being in the safety of the domestic violence shelter helped me heal in a way that I didn't even know I needed to heal. For the first time in 40 years I lived alone. I mean I kept having roommates but I barely saw them. The first roommate I had was barely there she just told me to make sure I made my attendance call because that was the most important part. The second roommate I had was 26 with a 4 month old baby. She had some open cases and kept getting in trouble with the police and ended up booked. The third roommate I had, had a set of 1yr old twins. They caused me the most grief because they cried a lot, their mom had no structure set up for them. She was 22 years old and she gave them soda at night. I was kinda losing it over the lack of control that was going on in that situation. But it was nothing compared to what I was about to endure.
What I can't figure out is why I was sent to HELL. I now know that it is a punishment and that I still have some karma to work through. The day I was discharged I was told to go to an intake center in Brooklyn so that I can get placed in a permanent shelter to continue my housing journey. The intake center was terrible but not as bad as the permanent place that they would send me. After sleeping alone for 6 months and having my own clean space I was put in a dirty little cubicle with maybe 10 other women in the open room. This might seem like a trivial thing but I absolutely cannot sleep when people snore. It's the nastiest sound to me. In that room there had to be about 3 people snoring all at once. I was losing it crying at night I over took my sleeping meds one night and almost checked out! All in the name of trying to sleep. If I had all the sleep equipment I have now due to the next place it wouldn't have been so hard to sleep there.
I complained about the intake place turns out it was better than the nasty ass hotel they would put me in next. I was so sad and confused. How the hell did I go from a livable situation to literally fighting for my life every-night. I get sent to the hotel it's a big room with 4 beds in it and 3 active substance abusers in 3 of the beds and then there was me. Sober for four years and would like to stay that way. These 3 ladies openly do drugs in the room. They smoke crack and crystal meth right in the room, There's one that talks to herself like she's demon possessed. I think she is because I don't know how someone's mouth just doesn't stop running. She kept me up a couple mornings when I came in from work at 2:30 am. She came in at 5 am high and loud. I had just went to sleep at about 3:30 and here you come at 5am loud. She was doing it so much I knew she was doing it on purpose. I spent hors screaming at her. She would make it impossible to ignore. It's like her demon didn't want me to sleep.
The only reason I didn't get up and put my hands all over her was because I'm trying to do something with my life and your not going to have me all messed up because your mental illness is spilling into my life. Then she snores and so does the other lady that sleeps across from her. Then the lady across from me laughs and talks to herself at night. I have a job from 4pm to 12pm and I get in again at 2:30am then I have to be up and in class by 9:30am. I need my sleep. It got so bad that I ended up having a panic attack because I couldn't sleep and the fact that I am forced to smell crack and crystal meth. I asked the doctor at the hospital if I can see a case manager. He told me they don't have them overnight. He also said that he is used to seeing people come in with panic attacks and severe problems trying to sleep in the city shelters. He said moving me to another shelter wouldn't do me any good because it would start my housing process all over again.
The staff is corrupt and they are in cahoots with each other they make up and enforce rules when they want to and it's like they put me in a hotel with NYC most mentally ill. I mean I know I'm BI-polar and I have a heavy touch of PTSD following me but I don't stank, I do my hair and I keep my space clean. Now I know there was a time when I was nasty, depressed, on drugs and out of my mind; but I don't live like that anymore. It sucks to even have to be around it. I don't even eat there either. It's not really about the food which is crazy not good. It's more about the women. The cafeteria is very small it's like 2 offices put together. The women are not taking good care of themselves. It's a very rancid smell being in that line. There is so many different forms of BO (Body Oder) smells. Their hair looks a wreak, they faces be all crusty and slimy with dried spit. They eat as if they haven't eaten in a long time. It's just a damn mess. Sleeping there makes me feel crazy enough so i'm doing everything I can to get myself out of there. If I knew it was going to be like this I would've been like forget healing for that 180 days. I have to get this money.
It's crazy everything else is going pretty well in my life except for where I sleep. I had to use many coping skills to survive. I almost.... Listen I almost went off the ledge and did something that may or may not have had me in jail. It wasn't worth the risk. I started using my sleep mask and I had to over-drawl my account to invest in some headphones made specifically for sleep. I had to speak with the director of the nasty hotel she put more of my housing paperwork in and said that she would switch my room but it's possible I can end up with a worse issue. She said since I am figuring out how to cope in the room i'm in I mind as well stay in there. She advised me to breathe and come make a report every-time they decide to get high in the room. Apparently they can't do anything about it unless they catch them red handed.
I even wrote a really dark piece about how this place makes me feel. I wouldn't stop telling my story to anyone that would listen. I had to get out of there. I met with a case worker and she called and that's when my room finally was switched. The room they put me in was much better. I was wondering why they just didn't put me in a room like that from the beginning. They did a "intake" right so they should've known to put me with working people. Well my therapist also got involved she sent out application to different mental health respite's where I could stay up to 28 days and I wouldn't have to be in the shelter. So I got myself out of there and now I have 26 days to figure out where to next. I'll share the dark piece I wrote in the next post.
I also wrote and published 6 books you can check them out here: https://www.lulu.com/search?sortBy=RELEVANCE&page=1&q=Jodie+Spartz&pageSize=10&adult_audience_rating=00
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