We are back for Part 2
Job Corp was a epic failure. I remember crying asking my mother and grandmother to give me a chance to change and allow me to stay in school. They declined and I got kicked out of Job Corps 3 months later for fighting. A fight I didn't even get to fight in nor was I trying to fight in. My name was put in it by one of them hating ass chic's. I was also still smoking bud up there, not too many people knew about that. I had a lot of material stuff on campus and my mother and grandmother also decided not to send for my things. Being an angry, miserable, frustrated on the road to depression 16yr old does not make for a person that's about to be out here making good life decisions.
This next bad decision happened the following year I was 17. I remember there was a party and we started taking shots of vodka, the bottom shelf kind for $10 a shot. I had no clue how to hold my liquor or about the fact that there even was such a thing. Next thing I knew I had the whole bottle and was guzzling it. I woke up at home on the living room floor, I also remember throwing up a lot and a lot of sex happened so that's probably why my clothes were changed and my hair was brushed different. I also found out that the child molester brought me home. Again there are more details to the story but that's not for this post.
Jodie, as we write this I'm starting to realize there are more good decisions than I thought there was hanging out in my inner parts. As I go with in I notice I have to skip stories because they weren't bad decisions. The next bad decision happened when I was 22. The guy I was with asked me to have a baby for him. I didn't really want to do it, but I loved him and figured we would be together. That year I had his first daughter and a year later I birthed him another one. I was diagnosed BI-Polar with a nice mixture of PTSD in 2000. The year was 2006 I ended up with Postpartum. Nobody knew therefore their was no support and no help. Due to the guy I was talking to being a poor co-pilot our family fell apart. 20 years later I realize when I got that weird feeling of not wanting to have a baby for him I should have followed my first mind.
Writing with you Jodie is also helping me understand that some things in my life were not decisions they were conscience choices. They were poor choices but I was conscience of the outcome of them. The bad decisions however I walked right into those thinking I knew the outcome and I didn't. The postpartum was just the beginning. The guy I was talking to was selling weed out of my house to school kids, our house even became the party house on the block. I was so gone mentally I didn't even feel like I was there. The worse part of it all was that we lived next door to my Grandmother who saw it all and called DHS on me. By this point things were bad and me being lost inside my mind somewhere didn't make matters any better. We'll leave this here for now and pick up in the conclusion Part 3.
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